I don’t want to call my friends
They might wake me from this dream
And I can’t leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that’s been
I’m in a strange transition stage between being single and totally married. I’ve been a friend, a listener, an eager audience to all my friends news… now that it’s my turn, I feel kind of alone, and a strange sense of standing out in that form of loneliness engulfs me, and I can’t share that feeling with any of them… I’m not sure they would understand.
I’m no longer the listener, I’m the leader of the pack. Because I got myself a man, everyone thinks I know all about the art of “marriage” and “how to get a man”… the thing is, I don’t know exactly how it happened.
I did pray for it. I did wish for it, that’s true… but the way it all rushed my way and changed my life in a week was shocking to say the least. A happy shock nevertheless.
I feel like I’m in a dream… there’s a strange feeling taking over me, invading my fuzzy mind and body, as if I’m out of myself looking at myself… an out-of-body experience. But at the same time, I’m so present. So in the moment. There is a sense of daydreaming, a sense of a part of my life ending so quickly and another new one taking over.
I’m still not sure how to process that.
Another truth about my life at the moment is that I became one of those girls: the girl who only thinks about her wedding. To me that was surprising, Not in a bad way, but in a I-surprised-myself kind of way.
I’m trying to rearrange my life, thoughts, things, belongings and decided on what I should do first. As I proved to myself on countless times, I feel tidier inside when I let some words out of my system.
So maybe I should make a list! Not now, but tomorrow morning. I just want everything to be magical… simply beautiful. Filled with love and happiness between my hubby and I and of course our families and guests.
Good night for now readers! x