The Difference Between You & Me

Life is hectic sometimes; It makes our simplest pleasures seem so far fetched and for awhile time seems to move too fast and slow at the same time. I’m trying to keep up… but I feel I can no longer measure time like normal people… I measure it with the pages of a book, the time for the meat to cook, the laughs I have with a person I love, the birth of a baby, the end of summer, the movement of waves, the prayers I pray, the flowers in the vase…

I’m losing my attachment to time again and it worries me, I love to feel how I’m spending my day, every minute of it should be valuable, I love knowing that I’m using my time wisely on this earth, but I have this strange notion that’s changing my ideas of what’s real, what’s important and who I want to be tomorrow.

We are on our third day of Eid Al-Adha, and I was completely happy until we visited this family that made me feel that the world can’t be okay with such humans in it, and if you knew me at all you would know that I’m very hopeful, an optimist, a generous soul… my generosity doesn’t exclude people according to difference.

But sitting with that family upset me so much that I woke up sick today, and I feel that being generous with the wrong people is like wasting time, like wasting money, like wasting your soul.

You see, my mom used to hold my tiny face when I was a little girl and ask me: “Aren’t you tired of being too good? Aren’t you fed up of giving your toys to other children? Aren’t you scared to have nothing?”

I would smile and look at her “wisely” (my mother’s word not mine) and say: “No, mommy, I have too much to give.” My mom would smile sadly but lovingly. We were destitute after war and I never had much attachment to things as a kid, which changed when I grew up, she later would hug me and say: “You are going to change the world with your little heart.”, and this reminds me of Audrey Hepburn’s quote: “I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.”.

I guess it was at that point that my character was made, I wasn’t materialistic, things went and came, I enjoyed them but I found my love for my family is more worthwhile, that’s my true investment… my people… and to be honest my books.

Here was the start of a horrible racist discussion with a drunk who had no morals to fall into. I love discussions, talking, exchanging ideas and so on, but not with an uneducated drunk.

Speaking with someone like that is tiring even if it’s about mundane stuff let alone politics and religion.

So here’s what I needed to say: I’m a thinker, I’m a believer, I’m a human, I’m a productive person and a part of a huger international society, I’m a Muslim, Arabic and I will never stop learning because I decided to continue learning the day I fell in love with books.

So that leads my character to be different than other people: I’m opinionated, stubborn, smart, wise, and I don’t do “arguments” with illiterate fools. I despise alcohol and empty words, I despise blind racism and people without ethics, principles and patriotic behaviour [I VALUE human lives, I VALUE this world, I’m grateful for what I’m given.]

But mostly I despise people who think they are above believes and religion in the name of technology. Religion has always been the motivator of science… Google “Islam”, and READ, and learn to think in coherent thoughts and I might respect you and your words… and even consider your opinion.

I think deeply about what I talk about whether it was this subject or that, I don’t speak out of term and I don’t care if you liked me, I KNOW what I believe in, do you? Can you argue your way through discussion with your believes intact, I can because I’m a reader.

Wake up “Middle East” you are Arabs but I’m ashamed of you! Read for God’s sake, move those cells, think, think, think before speaking. FORM coherent opinions, validate your words!

READ for the love of God!! And learn your religion because it’s the BEST gift Allah has ever given us, be proud of who you are, be very proud.

Real knowledge changes the world, be part of that!

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6 thoughts on “The Difference Between You & Me

  1. I love this post Dana. Very deep and meaningful. This may sound spooky, but your post reminded me of how I’ve been feeling lately. Though I do my best to be friendly and respectful towards everyone, sometimes I feel like a bit of an outcast, a pariah. I’m an observer. I watch and listen to other people. I’m not much for speaking because my words sometimes come out jumbled. And some people think that I’m unintelligent, which is so far from the truth. I’m constantly reading and studying. Ive done that since I first learned how. I love finding out things and learning new ideas. I thank God everyday for giving me a brain so that I can learn new things. But back to being an observer, I’ve noticed just how ignorant and foolish some people are. I can tell when they have no clue of what they’re talking about because they try to cover it up with cursing and being loud. And their “disscussions” if you want to call them that, are filled with a bunch of racist, bigoted opinions or political matters that have nothing to do with them. I know some people like this and all they talk about is getting drunk, watching movies and TV programs and wanting sex. This is sick to me. And after listening to these insipid interactions, I feel sick, literally. All that they speak of is nothing more than tasteless pablum, or what I like to call, “wasted words”. So I admit that sometimes I feel out of place in this world. I picture a black and white photograph with me being the only thing in color. Sometimes it makes me really sad to feel this way, but I don’t regret it one bit because I focus on what is most important in life: God, my family, my friends, and even my books and what I learn from them. I often hear the phrase, “time is too short”, which is true. To waste it would be a crime. So I do all that I can while I can to enjoy life. And I’m happy to see that I’m not the only one who feels this way.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve always felt that you and I are kindred spirits, I feel we could be the best of friends if we actually meet. I like talking to you through written words though because it makes me feel like our two minds contact each other more honestly than if we actually meet, you know?

      Writing this post was hard, I try to keep how I truly feel and think incheck to be kind, but that day I was so upset and tired with all the nonsense going around. Sometimes I feel the same way after talking for so long and saying nothing meaningful, I end up preferring my own company, even if it gets lonely.

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      • Yes, I understand that. I felt the same way. In truth, you were one of my first REAL friends. Back in school, I never had people that I could call friends. I knew a lot of people, but I wouldn’t call them friends exactly. I knew people
        who were bullies and who bullied me (physically) and they certainly weren’t friends.

        You know that expression where you can be surrounded by lots of people but still feel lonely? That’s how I felt through most of school, and even up to my adult life. Sometimes it’s a painful place to be. But other times, I like it. And the best company for me in that state are my houseplants and my books. Sometimes, they provide better company than some people that I know (like who I described in my previous reply).

        But you were one of my first real friends Dana and perhaps that’s why our two minds seem to be so much in sync. It’s like that saying “great minds think alike”.

        I am honored to be friends with you Dana. 🙂

        As for your post, I could tell that you struggled to write it as it sounded like a very uncomfortable situation. People like who you described in your post enjoy hearing themselves talk just because they can; wasted words as I like to say. But always remember, no matter how foolish someone may sound or act, just be you, your best self. You never need to “own” someone else’s garbage. I try to remember this too when I hear such conversations. It’s difficult, but you can do it. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. One more thing Dana. I want to say that you are a strong, bright intelligent person. Since I’ve known you, I have seen this. Don’t let what some drunken fool says take your joy away. Every person brings something special to this world. But you bring a little bit more than that. You bring “heart” to it. And the world needs more heart felt people like yourself.
    I too detest alcohol and drugs and people who are narrow minded in regards to race.
    That’s why we must do our best to be the “heart” that helps keep the world from dying. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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