Life is hectic sometimes; It makes our simplest pleasures seem so far fetched and for awhile time seems to move too fast and slow at the same time. I’m trying to keep up… but I feel I can no longer measure time like normal people… I measure it with the pages of a book, the time for the meat to cook, the laughs I have with a person I love, the birth of a baby, the end of summer, the movement of waves, the prayers I pray, the flowers in the vase…
I’m losing my attachment to time again and it worries me, I love to feel how I’m spending my day, every minute of it should be valuable, I love knowing that I’m using my time wisely on this earth, but I have this strange notion that’s changing my ideas of what’s real, what’s important and who I want to be tomorrow.
We are on our third day of Eid Al-Adha, and I was completely happy until we visited this family that made me feel that the world can’t be okay with such humans in it, and if you knew me at all you would know that I’m very hopeful, an optimist, a generous soul… my generosity doesn’t exclude people according to difference.
But sitting with that family upset me so much that I woke up sick today, and I feel that being generous with the wrong people is like wasting time, like wasting money, like wasting your soul.
You see, my mom used to hold my tiny face when I was a little girl and ask me: “Aren’t you tired of being too good? Aren’t you fed up of giving your toys to other children? Aren’t you scared to have nothing?”
I would smile and look at her “wisely” (my mother’s word not mine) and say: “No, mommy, I have too much to give.” My mom would smile sadly but lovingly. We were destitute after war and I never had much attachment to things as a kid, which changed when I grew up, she later would hug me and say: “You are going to change the world with your little heart.”, and this reminds me of Audrey Hepburn’s quote: “I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.”.
I guess it was at that point that my character was made, I wasn’t materialistic, things went and came, I enjoyed them but I found my love for my family is more worthwhile, that’s my true investment… my people… and to be honest my books.
Here was the start of a horrible racist discussion with a drunk who had no morals to fall into. I love discussions, talking, exchanging ideas and so on, but not with an uneducated drunk.
Speaking with someone like that is tiring even if it’s about mundane stuff let alone politics and religion.
So here’s what I needed to say: I’m a thinker, I’m a believer, I’m a human, I’m a productive person and a part of a huger international society, I’m a Muslim, Arabic and I will never stop learning because I decided to continue learning the day I fell in love with books.
So that leads my character to be different than other people: I’m opinionated, stubborn, smart, wise, and I don’t do “arguments” with illiterate fools. I despise alcohol and empty words, I despise blind racism and people without ethics, principles and patriotic behaviour [I VALUE human lives, I VALUE this world, I’m grateful for what I’m given.]
But mostly I despise people who think they are above believes and religion in the name of technology. Religion has always been the motivator of science… Google “Islam”, and READ, and learn to think in coherent thoughts and I might respect you and your words… and even consider your opinion.
I think deeply about what I talk about whether it was this subject or that, I don’t speak out of term and I don’t care if you liked me, I KNOW what I believe in, do you? Can you argue your way through discussion with your believes intact, I can because I’m a reader.
Wake up “Middle East” you are Arabs but I’m ashamed of you! Read for God’s sake, move those cells, think, think, think before speaking. FORM coherent opinions, validate your words!
READ for the love of God!! And learn your religion because it’s the BEST gift Allah has ever given us, be proud of who you are, be very proud.
Real knowledge changes the world, be part of that!